I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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