My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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