Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
