I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
