dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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