Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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