I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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