I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
