Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We left an ass print on the piano.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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