That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
