Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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