I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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