he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
