who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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