Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
