think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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