Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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