I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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