hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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