Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
