yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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