I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
