I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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