My Higher Power is John Stamos
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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