If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
