Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

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(989): View more from Michigan

He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.

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(360): View more from Washington

I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?

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(+61): View more from Australia

I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that

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