He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
