God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
