im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
