Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
