When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
