it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
