just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
