I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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