paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
