so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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