You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
