So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
