I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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