Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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