so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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