Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
