take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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