So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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