I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
