its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
