The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
