Got a toothbrush?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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