Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
