wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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