please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
