So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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