clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
