It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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