I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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