pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
