he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
