In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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