I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
