when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
