I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
