He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
