There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
